“Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they’ve made a difference. Marines don’t have that problem.”
- Ronald Reagan

What does that mean? Lately – it has bothered me a lot. For those of you who read my blog, you know that I have previously written about success and what it is to me. I did that to try and find my inner peace… that which makes me happy. It worked for a while, but I’m starting to slip again.

I don’t really know why, but I guess a lot of things are bothering me lately. When I was in the Marine Corps, everything was defined. I knew where I was going to be everyday. I knew what I was going to do. I knew the task at hand, and my only job was to ensure it got done. I felt like I had a purpose in life.

July of last year – all that changed. I got out of the Marine Corps and came back home to Indiana, where I started my own business. This was a total 180. I went from having everything defined for me to having absolutely no guidance or direction at all. Not the easiest thing in the world to do. Then there was the event earlier this year that caused me to have 100% freedom. That was an even bigger shock.

So here I am in this big world…. Lost! I have no clue what’s next. All I know is that I have been fortunate enough to start and successfully run a business for the last 2 years. The problem with that is now I have people whose salary depends on me… and at 23 that’s a scary thought. That is the only certainty I have.

My family is not close knit at all. I mean – we celebrate the holidays together, but its nothing really of any substance. For the last 5 years I was attached to a family that was very close knit, and I loved being around them during the holidays. This is the first time since I still lived at home that that is not the case. I guess a part of me feels alone now in that regard. I look forward to the day I start my own family.

Well – this definitely didn’t end up where I thought it was going to go. I guess I’m not as secure with everything as I thought I was. I still struggle to find that balance of responsibility and fun. I’m always doing too much of one and not enough of the other. Soo…. I will continue to look for that which completes me. I need to know that I made a difference in this world. I won’t rest until that is the case. I think I’m going to start working harder on my goal to build a youth organization to help kids achieve their dreams.