I believe the overarching happiness is better seen on a granular or micro level. For instance, one of the reasons I’m actually writing this blog today, is because I got a little bit of prodding from a new friend in my life that knew I had made a commitment to blogging once a week. After not seeing any words coming from me for well over a month, I got a pleasant email from her basically reaffirming my commitment to myself. Having friends that care enough to hold you accountable is a nice feeling. Thanks Julie.

Another thing that put a huge smile on my face today was a little trip to the mail box. In today’s world of digital communication, email, voicemail, texting, etc, it’s a rarity to get meaning snail mail. Today was different. Being Wednesday, I have grown accustomed to it be “Junk Mai Day.” The day you get all the flyers and coupons to places you never go to – you get these too right? J Well today I pull out what I expect to be junk and low and behold, I found a hand written envelope from a friend I haven’t talked to in quite a while. It was a little heavy, so I ripped it open to find a card, along with a Monopoly Board magnet. Scribbled inside was just a note that said she had been thinking about me. It was perfect. Thanks Ellen.

And I can’t forget my wonderful girlfriend. For the first time ever I feel a sense of true completeness. I don’t mean that in the Jerry McGuire “You had me at hello,” way, no, it is a total feeling of being whole. She has all of the attributes I could ask for. She’s beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, and ambitious. But more importantly, it’s the little things; the way she looks at me, the way she kisses me, and the way she just wants to be with me. Thanks Kathy.

It really is an odd feeling more me. I’m not used to being genuinely happy for an extended period of time, but after a week of carrying a big smile on my face, I’m kind of getting used to it. I’m enjoying the little things.

More to come.

Ah… Christmas, as the song goes, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

As my girlfriend and I drove from parents house to parents house and back yesterday, something struck me. Now for those that know me, you know I have no problems conjuring up a political squabble from time to time. This time I will mix a little bit of religion in the mix. Did anyone else notice that EVERYTHING was closed yesterday? Seriously, even Wal-Mart (the devil in disquise) was closed yesterday. Doesn’t that seem a bit odd? In a country where we are no longer allowed to utter the word’s “Merry Christmas” in fear of being reprimanded, every single business was closed on Christmas day.

Why?

Why is it that in a country where nativity scenes breach the boundaries of the seperation of church and state all businesses were closed on Christmas? Why is that in a country that was founded on Christianity, are those same Christians being suppressed to the point of not being able to say “Merry Christmas” because it might offend other religions, yet, everything was closed on Christmas? Why is that the big box retailers have taken “Christ” completely out of “Christ”mas, again because it is not politically correct, but they rely on Christmas sales to guide their profits for the year?

All of these things kind of just struck me at once, and I needed a place to vent my frustrations. After talking about it with my girlfriend, she said to me that it sounds like another goal for this year just made itself apparent. I need to work on my own faith.

After growing up in the church and understanding enough to build the foundation of my morals and beliefs, I, like most teenagers, strayed away in search of answers. During my four years in the Marine Corps I got a bit closer to the big man upstairs, but never really latched back on to the “every Sunday church-going experience.” In recent years I’m maintained the same level of belief. I know there is a greater being, a creator, a “god,” but for some reason have not been able to call him, “God.”

Therefore, in light of my disgust for the politically correct, I will make it a priority to find the answers that I need to grow stronger in my faith of Christianity.

Merry Christmas

So, why will 2008 be any different? If you have not read Tony Robins – Lessons in Mastery, I highly encourage you to do so. He talks about an idea called CANEI, which stands for Constant and Never Ending Improvement. That concept motivated me to start this blog.

Men’s Health wrote an article this month about how to make goals more effective, and thus, more attainable. Thus, this blog serves two purposes: it lets me put my improvement goals in writing, and by making them public, it allows for others to hold me accountable. To recap their three step approach:

1. Put it in writing
2. Make it specific, realistic, and measurable
3. Put a date on it

That being said, I will outline my goals for 2008, adding as many specifics as possible. My goals, as well as the posting in this blog, will cover several topics all wrapping around the central idea of personal development. If you read this I ask that you help me attain these goals by challenging me, and holding me accountable.

Business:

• Identify and join two organization boards by June 31.
• Acquire and retain 20 clients on set monthly retainer by August 31.
• Speak at a minimum of 12 events by December 31.

Personal:

• Workout 3x/week resulting in desired weight of 190 lbs and 32” waist by March 31.
• Take a ‘real’ vacation to Hawaii, by July 31.
• Increase vocabulary. I’m not exactly sure how to measure this, but the following goal is a step in the right direction.
• Read two books monthly – one business book and one personal development book.

Financial

• Reduce total debt by 25% by December 31.
• Improve credit score by 50 points by June 31.
• Quit using credit cards completely January 1.

There they are. As of December 24, 2007 those are my goals for 2008. I know more will come into play, and I know I have others that aren’t measurable. I will blog about all of them, but these will be my starting points for the new year.

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“The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goals to reach.” – Benjamin E. Hayes

Type success into any search engine. What are the first few things that come up? Secrets of success, dress for success, interview for success, money, power, glory, fame… those are just a few.

But is that truly success? The answer is… “I don’t know.” But this theory of success is something that I have been trying to achieve since I was a young boy and even more so over the last few years. The problem is – how can you achieve something when you don’t even know what it is. Sure I have goals. But does reaching those goals make me successful? Still – I don’t know. And what is it worth to achieve ‘success.’ Can you put a value on such an intangible?

The reason for this writing right now – is to try and find within me some clarification and hopefully figure out how to balance my life that I once thought was fun.

When I was a youngster I grew up poor. My parents divorced when I was 2 and my mom had custody of me. I don’t ever remember my mom having a career – or even a ‘good’ job for that matter. It took everything she had just to raise me. It’s very tough to support a household on not much more than minimum wage. But as kid – you don’t understand or comprehend this. You just know that you don’t have what the ‘cool’ kids at school have (clothes, toys, shoes, ect.) It was because of this upbringing that I learned really fast that I would NEVER live my life like this. My hands were kind of tied being as young as I was. However, as I grew older and started understanding things I was able to make changes.

Changing speed just for a second – I wish we didn’t lose the innocence that we had as children. Remember when Christmas was fun and not stressful? Remember when the only worries you had was whether or not your mom would let you stay that night at Billy’s house on Friday? That’s what life is about – having FUN!

In my life – there has been once person that has been there through everything. I don’t say this to discredit any of my other friends – it’s just that he has been there the longest and really knows everything I have been through. I know that Donald will always be there for me, regardless of the situation.

Back to success – I hated high school. I say that because I never felt like I fit in. I didn’t make good grades, because I didn’t feel it was important. My first couple of years I was the shy kid that didn’t really talk. I had a few good friends, and several acquaintances, but I really tended to keep to myself. Junior year was a breaking out time for me. I developed confidence. For once, I thought I knew exactly who I was and exactly what I wanted to do. I was so ‘confident’ at this point I shunned many people away from me as they saw it as arrogance. Anyway, I figured out that I wanted to be a designer. I wanted to do visual communications and advertising. I started taking classes that helped me hone these skills. I got really good, really fast.

I was usually one of the favorites in these classes because I knew what I was doing. I became a sponge, I wanted to know everything there was to know about the design world. I came to the conclusion that this was ‘it.’ This is what is going to make me successful. The rest of junior and senior year went by pretty fast. I had been accepted to Ball State to major in graphic design. My dream was becoming real. Then the day came where my dad sat me down and had a talk with me. I’ll never forget his exact words…”James, I can’t afford to put you through college… have you looked at the Air Force?” I was crushed. I felt like everything I had been working for was just flushed down the drain. All of my friends were going to college – and I wasn’t.

Then came the man in blue. I knew I had to do something, and since my dad told me to join the Air Force… you better believe that was NOT happening. If I had to do the military thing – I was going to be the BEST. I remembered chatting with the Marine Recruiter one day in high school, and he told me the Marines did graphic design. I said to him, “Bullshit – all you do is kill people.” My mindset had changed a little bit when I went to see him in his office. He talked to me about Honor, Courage, and Commitment – the core values of the Marine Corps. He talked to me about Pride, Respect, and a sense of Accomplishment. I got to thinking – If I were a Marine… that would make me ‘successful.’

A few months later I found myself in San Diego, California in Marine Corps Boot Camp. I thought to myself.. What the hell did I get myself into? The first month of boot camp the drill instructors do nothing but break you down. They let you know that you are nothing and will never amount to anything. So, now I’m thinking, “Okay… I joined to be successful… and you’re telling me I’m nothing?!?” The second and third months of boot camp the drill instructors build you back up the “Marine Corps” way. This is done by instilling those core values of Honor, Courage, and Commitment. All culminating in a ceremony on top of a mountain overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The flags of all the states are flying and the song “Proud to be and American” is playing. Then – for the first time your drill instructor stands in front of you and says, “You made it, congratulations… Marine!” Wow! Never again will you see 600 grown men crying together. But that was it, the sense of accomplishment… I actually did it… I became a Marine… that made me successful… or did it?

Remember being in 8^th grade and being the top dog on campus? And then you went to high school, and what happened? Low man on the totem pole again! Same thing happened in the Marine Corps. After boot camp you are left thinking you are the greatest thing walking the face of the earth. Then you report to your first duty station with your private first class stripes on and realize… you’re only a number. Wow – and I thought I had achieved ‘success.’

I busted my butt in the Marine Corps. I had goals and once again I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be promoted to Corporal. I wanted to wear the blood stripe that only Non Commissioned Officers got to wear, and I wanted the sword that only Marines where allowed to carry. I didn’t take long and I accomplished that goal. I was meritoriously promoted to every rank including Corporal. Well ahead of most of my peers. So, that’s it – I made it… I’m an NCO… a Leader of Marines… now what?? Once again I thought I had achieved ‘success’ but just over the ledge there was another hurdle to climb.

I knew I was only about a year away from leaving the Marine Corps. I had to start thinking about my future plans and how I was truly going to become successful. I had every intention of going to art school and becoming a designer in a well established design firm, where my name would be world renowned, and I would be… ‘successful.’ However – as I got closer to my time of getting out, I started to rethink my path. I thought to myself, if I’m going to be successful, I needed to make a lot of money. I need to get into business.

So there it was I had it… the key to success. I would start my own business and THAT would make me successful! I started taking business classes at the local community college. I bought books on business, money, and stocks. I was constantly reading. Books like “Rich Dad, Poor Dad,” “How to get Rich,” “Retire young, Retire Rich,” just to name a few. I started studying guys like Donald Trump, Mark Cuban, the Rockefeller’s, the Kennedy’s, anyone who I thought was ‘successful.’ I studied them because they were creators of jobs. Therefore I got the idea that successful people didn’t have ‘jobs,’ successful people CREATE jobs.

Money = Success. It HAS to be true. Rich people have all the money they could ever need, all the ‘stuff’ they could ever want, and live the lifestyle that everyone else envies. So that is it, success has to be money.

Hmm…. Wrong again! Many people have told me that money can’t buy you happiness. Forever, I thought this was the biggest crock of shit that I had ever heard. But, in my search for this idea of success, I have been fortunate enough to accumulate a lot of money through business, stocks, bonds, and real estate. There is nothing that I really need. Sure there are things that I want, but again I don’t really need them, for the most part they are just toys. I have a lot of toys, but I’m not happy. So, how in the world can this be? If money = success, and I have more than I know what to do with… why on earth am I not happy?

Here it is, I’m about to break it down for you – success is happiness that comes from within. It might sound crazy, but it is true. It is not what the media says, it is not what your friends think, it’s not keeping up with the Jones’. It is whether or not YOU are happy with YOURSELF. In 30-40 years when we look back at our lives, it is not going to be about the amount of money we made or the ‘stuff’ that we accumulated… it’s going to be about the days that we shared with are friends and families and were genuinely happy. Life is way to short to get caught up with the drudgery of judging ourselves or others based upon what kind of car they drive, or the style of clothes they wear.

So what is MY happiness? What is MY success? I want to do everything in my ability to better the lives of the youth of our country. I want to provide for them an opportunity to be anything they could ever want to be. Too many parents neglect their children. I’m not talking about keeping them from necessities such as food, water, and shelter (although it does happen), I’m talking about keeping them from dreaming, keeping them from trying to achieve greatness. My entire life I was told that I would never amount to anything. I’m not a vindictive person, but to all the non-believers I want to say ‘thank you.’ You got me to where I am today.

My dream now is that one day I will be the best father a child could ever have, and that my kids will know that they can do anything in life, and I will teach them how to attain – ‘success.’

I’ll wrap this up with a quote that I feel fits my ‘success.’

“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove…but that the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.”